I’m sitting in my new living room staring out at the beautiful trees and ocean while it dumps rain. Even in the rain, Santa Barbara is majestic and I’m feeling beyond blessed to call this lovely place our new home. However, amidst the beauty I’m mixed with unsettling emotions. The first is that I’m extremely overwhelmed and intimidate by the amount of boxes surrounding me and the fact that my life is completely disorganized at the moment. Secondly, I’m exhausted from just getting up here and being 7 months pregnant and have absolutely no desire to begin the daunting task of unpacking. Lastly, the rain is making me feel a melancholy and nostalgic towards everything I have left behind: specifically my friends, an amazing yoga community and group of dedicated clients, and our home in El Segundo that was small but perfect and oh-so-comfortably-broken-in… (I’m especially missing the shower. For some reason both the showers at our new place seem to have been designed for people under 5 Feet. At least I’m getting my squats in.)
I know it is all perfect though. It is natural to feel unsettled when you first move to a new place. I embrace the change and the newness and the unknown journey ahead. As I said in my last blog, Change equals Trust minus Fear. Every time I’m made a big shift in my life, it always brings me closer to my soul. How will we ever know what we are capable of or where life is supposed to take us if we rest in complacency and comfort for too long?
And, so I shall sit, resting my pregnant body, restoring from the move up here, watching the rain pour down, washing away any unsettling thoughts or feelings of sadness. For I am here. I took the first step. I think the rain is just cleaning the slate. And, perhaps, it is also offering me a larger shower where I don’t need to squat.