32 Weeks and 4 Days

Today, I am 32 and a half weeks pregnant.   For most pregnancies, this is an insignificant milestone.  It’s about 4 weeks into the third trimester, your energy might be dwindling and you’re probably feeling BIG, however you still have about 8 weeks to go til baby arrives.  For me, though, this timing is a MAJOR accomplishment!  My first son was unexpectedly born at 32 weeks, two months early, on the Island of Oahu, during our “Babymoon” Vacation, due to my water breaking in the middle of the night for no explainable reason.  YES.  This actually happened.  While yoga and deep breaths certainly helped get me through this experience, you can imagine that having your first newborn son taken away from you only to live in the NICU for the first 4 weeks of his life was heart-wrenching and traumatic.  I thank God every day that he is healthy and thriving, regardless of this experience.

So based on my first birth experience, I have naturally been concerned with my second pregnancy that I might deliver early.  I was immediately diagnosed as a “high risk” pregnancy, and the doctor’s told me my chance of delivering early was about 40%.  From here, I saw I had two choices.  I could ride out my pregnancy from a place a fear and worry and regrets from my last experience… or… I could trust in the unknown, manifest a healthy, full-term labor, and rest in positive, loving, breath-filled energy.  Thanks to my Yoga practice, I chose the latter.  I also thank my friend, doula and fellow yogini, Chelsea Rothert, for inspiring me to feel like a Goddess, to embrace this pregnancy with open arms and Love, and to trust that babies are born when they are supposed to be born and that my body is capable of a full term pregnancy, regardless of what happened with my first son.

Everything that happens to us is in our lives is a lesson to be learned, a way to forgive and accept, a way to grow and expand…  Instead of allowing the downs of life to bring us down, may they lift us up instead.  May they remind us that we are human and that our capacity to love and embrace positive energy is infinite.

I still don’t know when I will deliver my second child- only God knows.  But whatever happens, I feel great and I feel deeply connected to my intention to TRUST.  I know everything will happen in a beautiful way, exactly how it is supposed to.  I also will enjoy these beautiful days of pregnancy that I never got a chance to feel before… Today for example, I’m extra tired, extra hungry, and extra uncomfortable, and I’m embracing every second of it with love and gratitude.

Namaste.

Change equals Trust minus Fear

Change.  It is always a delicate subject.  One that festers for days, months, years sometimes until it fully manifests.  And, often times, change really only happens when placed upon us.  I had a good friend say to me once, “People only change when they have to.”  I have found this to be true as most of the big shifts I’ve made in my life have come when change is beyond my control, or when my spirit voice starts yelling at me to the point where I have no choice but to listen and abide.

I’m blessed to be experiencing my second pregnancy right now.   Talk about change being placed upon me… Here I am with 3 year-old and a 6-month growing belly, knowing my life is on the brink of serious change, and I’m scared.  I’m scared I won’t be able to love both my children with equal amounts of energy and love that they both deserve.  I’m scared I won’t be able to provide.  I’m scared I won’t be able to dedicate time to both my family and to my passions like teaching yoga.Change Fear Trust

Fear.  It is so natural and it seems to go hand in hand with change.   And the only way I have learned to combat the fear is to find TRUST.  My intention since the moment I found out I was pregnant again was to trust.  I am trusting that everything will evolve as it is meant to.  I am trusting that my pregnancy and my baby are healthy.  I am trusting that the changes occurring in my life are for the best and that they will only force me to grow and learn more about who I am.  I am trusting that if I take a leap of faith, there will be a net to catch me if I fall.

The next time you feel scared in the eyes of change, tell yourself to TRUST.  Get still, feel the moment at hand, feel a slower breath, and allow yourself to trust.  Everything will work out exactly the way it is supposed to.  Surrender to the unknown.  And let yourself be fearless in the eyes of change.

Namaste.

(And PS… I recently filmed an online class on this exact subject! Check it out HERE.) 🙂